Waking Up

I recently accomplished something huge in my professional career. I passed a difficult test and completed the final steps towards my full professional license. It was a thrilling and nervous two months of my life.  I remember being physically ill and chasing every meal with anti-acids. I would study with my friends/co-workers for hours. When I wasn’t studying, I was trying not to imagine the worst case scenario.  When that didn’t work, I tried to be okay with the worst case scenario. I’m sure that I would still be hiding and reviewing study guides if I didn’t have that support system.

And now that part is over. I’ve made it the other side of it and for a while I wasn’t sure what that meant. I knew immediately that I wasn’t completely done growing in my career.  I knew that I would have to do continuing education credits. I would have to actually think about where I wanted to go. I looked forward to all the new and exciting things I could do. What I didn’t expect was the gaping space in my life afterwards.

I felt as though I should have been happier than what I felt. It was grieving,  which is what I do when I have nothing major to worry over.  I began to just stand still.  If I made any steps, they were less than small. If I moved beyond that, I was being pushed. I’m not sure how long this period lasted. I am sure that it’s done.

I am awake now.  I am pushing myself and acknowledging progress. I am excited and smiling.

*cue cheesy music that becomes mantra*

 

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Waking Up

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