I am slowly making changes to myself. I feel these are positive changes. One of the more obvious changes is my new interest in make up. I have wanted to be the woman who has a make up routine for years. I have just been too lazy and doubtful to do it. When my sister got married, I had the fiercest make up job of my life. Not for the first time, I made promises to myself. It wasn’t until almost a year later that I kept them.
It’s a subtle change. Really. It adds about 15 minutes to my daily routine. I don’t feel glamorous every time. I don’t feel like my entire world has changed. I just feel shifted. I feel as though taking the extra step to do my make up makes me examine how I actually feel I look. I was afraid that it would become a crutch but I was wrong. When I take my make up off at night, I don’t feel ugly. I feel like me. I can outside with make up and not feel any amount of self hate.
My favorite thing about this addition to my look is that I did it for no purpose that concerns someone else. I’m not dating anyone. I’m not actively trying “catch.” I’m not trying to make myself feel better because a recent break up. I did it because I felt like it. I keep doing it because I keep feeling like it. I won’t lie, the compliments are nice but they aren’t a deciding factor. As someone who is often worried about worrying what others think, this lack of self imposed pressure is a relief.