I’m not abandoning this blog but I am taking a break. I’m starting to get things together. Just recently I fulfilled a major goal. I feel like at the upcoming age of 26, I am running out of time to wake up. This blog has been the process of that.
I’m not where I want to be right now and this thought always leads me back to May. I’m sitting on Jason’s (used his real name instead of a swear word. Progress!) balcony chain smoking and in the middle of finding out how deeply I’d been betrayed in the name of compassion. He said “I knew it would hurt you and I didn’t want that.” I approached the subject as though I believed he actually cared about my feelings and responded: “Well, you knew it would hurt so you should have just acted from there.”
Every time I start complaining to myself about my living/car/job situation and when I get a less than stellar grade, I remind myself that this where I act from. I can’t pretend like reality isn’t there and lying to myself won’t make what’s going on any less real. I have to look at reality and act accordingly. To act from a place other than my current reality is to set myself up for failure. I’m not going to claim success until I have it and the same goes for defeat. What I am going to do is try a little harder each day and try as though I’m Melissa and not someone else I think I should be.
I’m not sure if this my first motivational post but motivation isn’t something that only needs to happen once. It’s like when you do affirmations. You can’t just tell yourself that you’re awesome one time and then you’ll just believe it from then on. It has to be a constantly reinforced.