This is the second night in a row that I can’t seem to muster up the interest in sleep. It is about one in the morning and I’m working on three hours of sleep from last night. Most people would turn on the Daily Show and attempt some sleep. However, much like my niece who will be one next week, am fighting sleep. She punked out after about an hour of fighting but her age makes it foolish of me to fault her. Yep. Three hours of sleep people.
I was just staring at the ceiling. Back to this post. I’ve decided to stop being a wimp and whip out my progress report.
I am officially right back where I started when I started this blog in September.
I am just getting back on my medication. It’s been over a week of me taking my medication on a regular basis. Say what you want but ‘one pill a day’ isn’t as easy it sounds.
I am car-less in Detroit again. I bought a car, that car was a lemon. My engine died on Jefferson. Now, there are a few places in Detroit that you don’t want your car to die. Jefferson at around nine o’clock in the morning is on that list. Lucky for me (lucky?) there was no traffic, it was just cold as all get out. All of the get out was cold. Shout out to Kenny from River Place who pushed my car over to Lucky’s parking lot. I am on the bus once a week. There is nothing like depending on other people for a ride. I honestly look at strangers in their cars and get really green. I’m not going to make a Vulcan joke. I’m not that big of a nerd. A nerd might say something like “I get green like Vulcan blood when I see people driving mid size cars.” I’m not going to do that. I am too proud of my growing nerd status. Oh well.
I also am, again, just getting back into working out. I wish there was something I could tell about why I stopped going to the gym. I really don’t have a grand reason. There are some personal reasons but requires me to get all vulnerable and I ain’t that nerd.
So that all seems pretty depressing, right? The whole point of this blog is to better and I’m doing the same.
Except. Not. I was afraid by typing this all out I would re-sad myself but I didn’t. Despite these self inflicted set backs, I feel good. It’s not the delusional good but the “I’m not giving up” good. There are days when I feel like it would be easier to just stop and wallow in the distance that lies between present me and who I want to be me. I’m not changing that phrase. Anyway, I have those days and instead of giving completely into them, I acknowledge the feeling and keep it moving. Also, a good cry every now and again helps. A couple of weeks ago, I allowed myself to cry over something simple. Felt great.
I feel great. I feel positive but in a totally realistic way. Social workers like saying things like “realistic”.