On Wednesday November 11, 2009, I will be turning 25 years old. I feel a chill just typing that down. This year, the year of 2009, has forced me to grow up in ways I could never imagine (and I can imagine quite a bit).
So let’s go down the list and take inventory.
Family: I became an aunt this year for the second time. I have never loved a baby so much as I love my niece and it’s forced me to look at how neglectful I’ve been of my nephew. I think he’s going to be 12. I remember when I first met him and I thought he would never grow to love us. My brother has been with his mother for almost nine years and my nephew was guarded around us for at least a year. Now, he calls me his auntie and though it makes me feel old…it also makes me feel loved. He will soon be going through that teenage stage and I will have to remind myself that I love him and if I hit him, his mother will kill me. Teenagers are annoying. Love him.
Family Part2: Despite the addition to the family, I have grown apart from them. In the year 2010 and the remainder of this year, I will have to learn to allow myself to get closer to them as me. I can no longer pretend to be something I’m not to fit in but I can’t blame them or resent them because I’m different. Stop speaking in code. This year, my family suddenly got all religious and I am not. They have this church bond that I don’t share and I don’t long to share it. I just want to be apart of them again but as me. We shall see how this goes.
Professional life: I have three jobs. I am an intern at an organization that allows me to see what I want to do with my life. I am a student assistant which allows me time to do work and write this blog as well as brush up on my office skills and I work the weekends as a cashier. I have been a cashier for over five years. I get up, I put the smock on and I try to smile. Each day that smile gets harder to find. I’m not respected there and if someone from my job find this blog…HI! I don’t care. I’m not respected. When you get robbed and then get judged for getting robbed then your job hates you and you should leave. I can’t afford to leave at the moment but after getting passed up more than once for a position I deserved…I can’t stay another five year.
Relationship Status: Single. I am done being bitter about it. Yes, I fear dying alone surrounded by cats but not enough to go hunting around for random guys. I don’t expect to find a relationship while I’m living in the city so there is that. Motto: It is what it is until it isn’t.
School: As mentioned in previous entry, I graduated from the Undergrad School of Social Work at Wayne State University. I am enrolled in the Graduate School of Social Work. This year I am becoming a more devoted student than the previous years. I spent the summer in classes so there has been no “break.” I don’t expect a “break” until 2011/2012 when I walk across the stage for the last time.
Plans: I have always planned to move out of the city. This year, those plans are getting real. So far, I’ve decided on D.C. which would be a great area to practice social work in the HIV community. We shall see. I will miss my family and I will miss my city but when it’s time to go…it’s time to go.
Health: This year I have been dealing with the fall out from having hyperthyroidism. It has affected my moods, my energy and my weight. I lost a lot of weight. After I went to the doctor to get fixed, I gained a lot of it back and then some. This has had a negative effect on my self-image as seen in another entry. This year, I was horrible about taking my medication. I am required to take a pill every morning before eating. I don’t do this. I am just starting to change that and can feel myself getting less crappy. I can’t tell clients the importance of medication if I refuse to do so, properly.
And so that has been my life coming up to the age 25. I won’t say this year was fantastic because it was not. I have made new friendships which was a highlight and I have grown more comfortable with myself. However, I have also experienced some major set backs personally and I am still striving to get over that. I will do better with 25 than I did with 24. I don’t really have a choice in the matter. To do worse would mean failure that I can’t comprehend and to stay stagnant isn’t an option. Life is forcing me to move on and as much as I want to fight it, I simply cannot.
Thanks for listening and good day.